I don’t want my dad…


I’m doing some work around my relationship with my dad. Would you mind taking a look at my models and thoughts?

My mom and him own a business together and they are needing to downsize big time to stay in business due to the economy and pandemic. I had a convo with him yesterday. It turned out he isn’t doing a few things he said he would, and I turned it into he’s not being his best-self and showing up for this move. I was short and got frustrated. Then after hanging up, I felt like shit and realized I was being an emotional child and holding a manual for him. So… Here’s my TD:

I feel bad about the way I handled the situation
He tries his best, but it’s not good enough. He doesn’t think things through. Neither do I. Maybe I see my shortfalls in him and blame him.
He doesn’t do things right. He should do things right. He should man up and take care of things to make it easier on mom. Take the workload off her.
He’s stuck and doesn’t want to grow.
I don’t wan him to die (wow. Didn’t see that thought coming). I want to have him around. I’m messing up my time with him now, because I get frustrated.

C – Dad said he would box up equipment on Wednesday. On Thursday he said he didn’t have boxes and couldn’t.
T – He should do better.
F – Frustrated.
A – Short with him. Tell him what to do. Empathize for a second and then dive back into how he should be doing things differently. Keep thinking he could do better. I’m not being there for him. Or helping or loving.
R – I could be showing up better.

Then… I did an intentional model. It needs work, but I was getting stuck on a new thought:

C – Dad
T – *see below
F – Love, Carefree, Hopeful
A – Spend time with dad. Plan a trip together. Lots of high fives and hugs. Do things together – bike, walk, open talks. Tell him stuff. Not try to be tough or a know it all.
R – Have love and laughter in my heart.

All is ok. My dad is trying his best (I don’t really believe that yet).
He’s doing everything he can. (I don’t believe the “everything”)
He gives me so much. He cooks great food. He makes Nell (my daughter) laugh. He listens. He’s taught me so much. I love watching him with Nell.