I don’t want my relationship to end

dear brooke,

i am together with my boyfriend since 5 years.
i’m now 24 he is also.

when we met we were to totally different people, which was/is so good.
he was really shy but so adventerous i was more the type of always playing it safe and more of work hard kind of person.
our first year was amazing. he brought color to my life.
he was different from the guys i normally date.. i like more the kind of guys that are alpha, or the life of the party or charming or really positive and take action.
and he isn’t. That’s why when i met another guy who was ambitious, charming and took action i felt really attracted to him which lead to problems with my boyfriend. Also my boyfriend was full of self doubt and had no friends etc.
i didn’t do anything with this guy but i just felt so attracted to the kind of guy… and it stays with me to this day.. my thoughts are like this:
i love him but i don’t feel the attraction like i had with the other guy. you know what i mean? the love is different.

neverless we went travelling for 9 months. my boyfriend and i.
after 1 month i exploted i told him everything about the guy, about my insecurites about how it annoys me that i’m his everything and he doens’t do much with his life. and then we had so many fights. i always tried to change him.. and it hurt him and me also. i didn’t want to do it but i couldnt help it..
i even told him we had to travel alone for 2 weeks. so he gets out of his comfortzone .. and we did. and it was AMAZING!
He even had more fun than i did haha.
but when he came back he told me he wasn’t sure of our relationship anymore.. i cried for days..

its so strange when he looks for himself and does his thing i want him more and i find him more attractiv..

i just wanna stay with him and love him and feel attracted to him the way he is.
and i want it because we are a really good team and i can’t wait to see him as a father.

i’m just so scared that i have to let him go. i don’t want to do that.
it will hurt so much. but i can’t take this toughts anymore..

please help!
i heard that you brooke als had to learn to love your husband..

today is a day where i feel like crying. i look at him and see how wonderful he is and i want to cry because i can’t love him the way i want.

can you teach me?

thanks for your help

big hug