I don’t want to be friends.

There is a person in my life who wants to be friends, and I am not interested. The problem is that I haven’t been honest about it – I have been people pleasing, feeling obligated, guilting myself and avoiding her.

My primary thoughts:
“I have no good reason not to be friends.” (Except that I don’t want to)
“I should just be friendly and hang out sometimes and not make a big deal of it.”
“We have a lot of overlapping circles and I don’t want to make it weird.”
“If I’m honest that I don’t want to hang out, she will think”….I’m a jerk, I think I’m better than her, I’m a liar…

I know that I’m trying to control her thoughts and feelings about me, that’s why I’ve been going along with it. I don’t dislike her, I guess that’s why I don’t want her to think badly about me 🙂 and I don’t want her to feel bad. I know these aren’t mine to control but that’s what I’m doing. And then I’m thinking badly about me because I AM lying and don’t like how I’m showing up for me or her.