I don’t want to feel good about my son’s choices.


My son is 14. He’s not very active, would love to play on Xbox 24/7 if he could, and has terrible eating habits. He’s a bit overweight as well. He says he wants to play football in High School (he’s played for the last 4 years or so). High School is far more competitive and he has agreed he needs to start working out and training now to be ready for spring training.

But he does any and everything to avoid actually training or working out. He doesn’t want anyone to watch him. I’m a fitness coach and he certainly doesn’t want any of my “stupid advice”. Which is fine, I’ve told him to go online and find a workout he wants to do. I think he’s embarrassed because he’s not in good shape so he thinks I will judge him when he’s working out.

I have tried a few models but when I ask myself how I want to feel about him not working out and not playing football, I can’t say that I want to love that. I guess I want to at least feel indifferent. Here’s some models I’ve come up with:

c. Son won’t workout.
T. He won’t be able to play football so he’ll continue this unhealthy path.
F. frustration, anger.
A. I try and talk to him and tell him all the various ways he could get it done.
R. He literally plugs his ears and doesn’t listen to a word and doesn’t work out.

As you can see that’s working really well!! So here’s an intentional model I tried:
C. Son won’t workout.
T. It’s his choice.
F. indifferent.
A. Provide consequences (if he doesn’t play football he must find something else to be involved in or he’ll lose Xbox and/or phone privileges). R. He doesn’t workout, play football but at least he won’t be on the damn Xbox all the time!!

As you can see, none of these thoughts really have me believing his actions are neutral. I truly worry about his work ethic (lack of), and unhealthy habits and how that will serve him later in life. I would so appreciate any coaching you give me on this one… thank you!!