How do I manage being so defensive all the time towards my partner for even the smallest things, for example them asking me if I’m ok.

I feel like I am constantly getting really defensive towards my partner. I think living with someone triggers the part of me that was able to cope in the past because I could just avoid people in general and not have to deal with anyone in my space except flatmates

I would like to lessen the feelings of anger/irritation and be able to manage my emotions better when it comes to sharing space with my partner but also people in general

I am stuck in this thought pattern that if I was single again and living on my own I would be happier because I wouldn’t be having to control my thoughts and feelings all the time about having someone else in my personal space. We have lived together for a year and it is just us renting our house. I love them as a person. I’m having lots of thoughts about if I love them romantically though and quite often I think I am adding evidence that I am not in love with them because I just feel constantly annoyed about them.
Basically, I just feel like an introvert that feels calm and relieved when I’m alone. I would like to find this feeling of relief even if I have to share space with others.