I Feel Like I Am Grieving

I am doing the urge jar exercise and I realized that by deciding for 1 exception a week I keep telling myself the story that it’s going to be hard, that not eating everything I want on weekends sucks. I asked why and I came up with: I really wanted to be able to eat as much as I wanted of Ben and Jerry’s and never gain weight. I feel like I’m grieving here, as if by choosing to allow urges I’ve lost something. Where do I go from here on my self coaching? Thank you so much!