I feel like my own worst enemy lately

I feel like I intellectually understand the concept that beating ourselves up never really serves us yet I still do it. Oftentimes I see in SCS that it’s taught “you can just choose your thoughts” and I get that yet what do I do if it doesn’t feel right? Honestly I guess I feel I’ve been doing the work of coaching and transformation for so many years it feels like by now I shouldn’t be beating myself up anymore. There are a few things I’ve been beating myself up about lately:

– My desire to watch porn and to see if there is a “conscious” way to do it and still meet my goals and dreams
– Where I’m at in my coaching business and whether or not it’s actually what I want to do anymore
– Deciding a creative hobby
– Sometimes my physical appearance

For the past about 3 days, I’ve been spinning out beating myself up about the above circumstances. I’m exhausted to be honest. I just want to be happy. I’m tired of thinking “I’ll be happy when I reach this goal in my business or have this body or am this skilled at an art, etc” I feel this “shadow” phase I’ve been going through has been teaching me to stop thinking I’ll be happy at a certain point in my life.

I don’t even want to chase money like I have been lately. I simply just want to be happy and I want to stop beating myself up, and I want to stop listening to other people’s “you should try this!” and instead just listen to myself.

To be honest I feel like for so long I’ve been listening to other people I don’t even know what exactly I want right now. I’ve been thinking about taking a break from coaching, my content creation, and overall just seeing people. I’m in a funk. I just want to accept myself no matter what.