I had a binge on chocolate last night.

I have a weight loss goal which I have 80 percent achieved. To date I have lost 24kg. I have been working on this for 14 months. I know it’s a big achievement but also have thoughts like “It’s taking me too long” and “if I really got it I would be at my goal weight by now.”

Last night I ate 240 grams of chocolate off protocol after dinner. The urge was so strong that it required me get out of bed and drive to the shop to buy the chocolate. I was aware at the time that it was an urge but felt out of control and unable to stop. This morning I am trying to access my unintentional and intentional models to try to learn from last night.

My husband was away. He doesn’t go away very often and I am grateful for the sense I freedom I feel when I get to spend some time alone.

C: Husband is away for the night
T: I can do whatever I want
F: Freedom
A: Visited my mother, studied, read my book, thought work, went to bed early, watched 3 episodes of a tv program, went to the shop to buy chocolate, ate chocolate in bed while watching TV until I felt sick
R: I am not sure here. I did what I wanted in the moment but I didn’t do what I want for my future.

A feeling of freedom seems so positive. Why did I use it for negative action?

I don’t get to do this very often. I better do it now because it won’t happen again for a while. If these thoughts were true I would expect I would wake up this morning thinking “that was great. I am so glad I did that”. But not so.

The thought that this experience has something to teach me feels comfortable and true for me. Niggling underneath though is the thought “this is going to take forever”.

Are you able to help me with some questions to pose to myself to help access more insight? And of course any other comments you might have will be appreciated.

Thank you.