I made a list of things to do this weekend, and when I look at the list I want to cry. I don’t want to do these things. Looking at this list makes me feel like there are too many things to do, makes me feel like I hate my life, makes me feel exhausted, and that if this is what life is all about then why even bother? I know these are all thoughts. But how am I supposed to look at this list of things that I objectively don’t want to do, differently?
C: expense report T: this is going to take forever, I hate doing these so much
C: groceries for meal preparation T: I don’t want to carry groceries, I’m going to be tired in the morning, and I’m not going to even want to do the meal prep and will probably waste the food
C: set up the kitchen for meal preparation T: the kitchen is such a mess, cleaning it up is going to take forever and then I’m just gonna make a mess again
C: yoga class T: I’m sure I will be too tired to do this when the time comes plus I don’t want to walk there in the heat.
C: hangout at the pool T: this would be fun if I weren’t stressed out about all the other things I have to do
C: laundry T: this is not a big deal. I can do this while listening to a podcast
C: open my new computer and boot it up. T: there’s always something wrong, I’m sure this won’t be seamless
C: clean out the car T: I definitely don’t want to do this, there’s too much stuff in there and I don’t know where to put it
C: go to FedEx T: I do NOT want to go to FedEx on Saturday morning, I feel resentful of having to do this
So, I mean, it seems obvious why I don’t want to do these things. I don’t want to be busy all weekend. I’m tired. Then I have the thought, “it’s not normal to have to live like this.” That’s right. I don’t think I should have to be juggling 85 things to get a few hours of rest and enjoyment out of my life. I have this same problem with all my “chores” and bullshit tasks I feel like I spend my entire life doing.
I can’t be the only one who feels like their entire to-do list is full of crap they don’t want to do.