I hate my neighbor

I’ve lived next-door to a noisy neighbor for nine years. The building is an open-air plan and our apartments are at right angles to each other. When I step outside my front door I am literally outside. Her kitchen windows run parallel to the entrance of my apartment. My living area is very close to my front door and windows. When her kitchen windows are open and she’s talking I can hear everything even when my windows are closed. My peace is disturbed often. And she often has company over and I work from home. Because of the layout of my studio apartment there is no other room I can go to rest and do my daily activities. She used to keep her living room windows open and the noise was worse, but after a few years of dirty looks, tension, and finally a conversation over a year ago, those living room windows remain shut. But now those damn kitchen windows.

Here’s my TDL:
I hate C with a passion, a vengeance. She is inconsiderate. I hate white supremacists less than I hate her. She should know better. She should know living in this building for 20 years that sound carries. The b**ch doesn’t care. Keeps her windows open like that. Spreading her noise pollution. I know she’s the one who keeps opening the windows (even though she lives with her mother, sister, and nephew) because it’s been like this since nine years ago before they moved in. I hate her walk, talk, her inconsideration. I believe she’s inconsiderate so I treat her inconsiderately. I give her dirty looks. I wish death upon her. I yell and bang on the walls. I want freedom from this. Now. Freedom from the weight of hating her. Freedom from the noise. Freedom for my peace of mind having anything to do with what she does with her voice and windows. I have the power to invite a truly peaceful space where everyone keeps that noise and vibration debris inside their own walls. No one else should have to hear anyone else’s noise. They are stupid people. I don’t mess with her cousin because if that person thinks she has the right to open her door and make all that noise, she’s a villain. My mind has offered me a lot of thoughts. I don’t know for a fact who’s opening those windows just like I didn’t realize her sister was the one who kept slamming the front door. Maybe she really doesn’t think past 2 feet in front of her face. Thinking of it as noise pollution ain’t helpful.

C – the woman in the apartment
T – I can’t f**king stand that inconsiderate b*tch.
F – Hatred
A – Circle stories in my mind listing all the ways she has been inconsiderate. Yell at her in my apartment (maybe she does or doesn’t hear me I don’t know). Bang on the walls. Dirty looks. Don’t think of her as a person with lots of qualities. See her as a one dimensional buffoon. Look down on her “I am better and smarter than her.” Wish her ill and wish she would die. Hyperfixate if I can hear any sounds especially conversations coming from her kitchen. Even when her windows were closed, complain (to myself) because she didn’t close them all the way. Imagine her opening the windows and being a bitch.
R – I don’t act considerate of my psychological and emotional well-being.

C – the woman in the apartment
T – I’m in charge of my peace of mind.
F – Equanimous
A – Don’t think of her nor her apartment at all. Know I can handle anything peacefully. Focus on what’s happening only inside my home. Ever.
R – I maintain my peace of mind.

There have been a few instances where we’ll walk past each other and I get the inspiration to ask her to go on a walk so that we can get to know each other. But I’ve never done that. There is a desire for me to do that. I’m not there in this moment to actually do that. I’d like to ask her if she realizes how much the sound carries in the building. I’d be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt even though most of me doesn’t.

I’m making plans to move because this apartment building is definitely old news (it was poorly constructed in the 60s and I’m just over this vibe, the building, and the new owners are renovating 20 units so there’s construction everyday 8am-5pm Mon-Fri and I work from home). In the meantime and until I have the opportunity to move which could be a year from now, I want my power back. And I want my peace of mind as my standard. Even if she never closes those windows and management doesn’t do anything, I know I have grounds to take this to the city and file complaints. This is not where I want to spend my time though. I’m focusing my attention on growing my coaching business and earning the money that will afford me to move somewhere with a higher level of discernment than when I moved to this place.