I am stuck on an issue that I’ve brought to Ask a Coach and individual coaching. The coaching advice that I am getting sounds like this to me:

My interpretation of coaches’ models for my situation:

C: teenaged kids moved out to live with their dad full time, contact me by text when they want something, don’t respond when I text them asking if they want me to visit them, don’t ask to see me
T: This is just a different way of having a relationship
F: accepting
A: look for evidence that this is supposed to be happening this way, accept that there is no want match
R: I am the only one in the relationship

I’m going to use an absurd example because there’s something I’m not understanding about Brooke’s teaching on relationships.

absurd model:

C: I have never met or communicated with Tom Cruise
T: I have a loving relationship with Tom Cruise
F: loving
A: spend time feeling love towards Tom Cruise, look for evidence that I have a loving relationship with Tom Cruise, send him letters and follow him on social media, accept that there is no want match
R: I am the only one in the relationship (fantasy relationship)

Questions:

1. isn’t having a fantasy relationship arguing with reality?

2. if someone doesn’t want to see you or communicate with you, isn’t it a fantasy relationship?

3. if it’s fine to be the only one in the relationship, then why bother being in relationships at all? Why don’t I just ditch my kids and love Tom Cruise instead? It would be a lot less work and expense.