I keep coming back to this thought – I have no friends
I used to live with a roommate and hang out with a lot of friends when I lived in California. In 2015, I moved to a different state to be with my husband and ever since its been hard to make friends.
Initially a lot of friendship opportunities came my way but I declined them all due to my judgements about them.
I realize that was a mistake, and wish I had pursued them.
I thought once I have a child (we have a 2 year old now), I may get more opportunities to make friends. But that didn’t happen.
I created opportunities myself , by inviting acquaintances for my son’s birthday party in the hope they would invite us back to their parties, so we can become friends. That did not happen as well.
We decided to buy a house recently. The “lack of friends” thoughts come rushing up for me which leads to me procrastinating and not taking action towards buying a house. My thoughts are
– We would have a big house with no friends to visit
– I wish my husband would get another job and we move out of this state (this is me wishing to change circumstances, my husband does not have jobs out of state)
– we would be alone
– my son will end up with no friends
– I am not getting invited to kids parties unlike my other out of state friends
– its hard
All these thoughts are more pronounced today because a friend did not return my call, while I see her active in social media.
Here are my models – please help me with the R line below
C : Friend did not return my call
T: My son may end up with no friends just like me
F: Worry
A: spinning thoughts imagining a lonely life for my son; procrastinate on deciding a neighborhood for house buying; compare my life with friends who do get invited to birthday parties
R: —?
Intentional model
C : Friend did not return my call
T: It is possible that she was unable to talk at that time
F: Compassion
A: Hold space for my thoughts and feelings. Allow friend to behave the way they want. Practice unconditional love
R: I am the best version of a friend that I could be
The intentional model above makes sense to me and I can practice it. But the bigger thought here is the “lack of friends”. Please help me here. Thanks.
