I just can’t sit through the urge

I try so hard to stay through the urge but I just CANT. I have been trying my whole life, I don’t understand why I can’t just let the urge be there, I have the awareness that it’s an urge but it’s so strong!!!!!

I’m so successful in other areas of my life. I try to sit with the urge but it just feels like it will never end. It’s so uncomfortable I just can’t, i feels totally restless and irritable and it seems so intolerable. So I end up giving in, all the time.

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying all the things in scholars, I’ve been working at it for like, a decade. Why can’t I get this? Seriously, can someone tell me how you sit through the urge when it feels unending and intolerable? I’ve listened to all the podcasts but I just cannot sit through it, it’s like there’s a demon in my mind or something.

I get to this point where now I want to go crazy and restrict because I’m legit gaining weight and that totally freaks me out.

I really need some help!