Hello Amazing People,

So I realize I have this issue. I’m a bit scared of my brother. He’s two years younger. I find him quite hard. He’s very cut and dried. He has an opinion and he’s not willing to entertain that his opinion might be wrong (Can you imagine that!!!) and the way he delivers it is in a real authoritarian style. He is wealthy but has a scarcity mindset.

If I say or do things ,and he knows, I realize that I am scared of his opinion. I know his opinion is only his opinion but if I really believed that I wouldn’t be asking you! So clearly I’m making it out to be more.

He really reminds me of my dad. My dad was a nightmare to me. He was very harsh with me. For instance, when I didn’t do very well in my exams aged 18 he told me my career was over. And he believed it. And so did I.

Anyway, my brother really reminds me of my dad. And I’m not sure where to start in sorting this out. I have made decisions over the past few years that my brother has not liked. After the Brexit vote (we voted differently) he treated me like a naughty child. (ok, that was quite funny really). Various other things.

Now, one of my children has got into a fee paying school which is very expensive and I have received some funding as a contribution to the fees, and I need to find the rest of the fees. And I realize I am delaying telling my brother because:
a) I want to figure it out myself
b) I don’t have the answers right now and will probably get the Spanish Inquisition as to how I am going to make up the shortfall.
c) I might be told that I’m irresponsible when I don’t have the answers
d) We are really delighted about the school situation and I don’t want my bubble bursting

I feel like a child admitting this to you (and all the scholars, hi everyone!) but he makes me nervous. And he really reminds me of my dad. My mum was nervous around my dad, and I wonder if she sees it in my brother because if we ever get into a heated debate, it’s usually me she tells to be quiet.

The thing is I want to take responsibility for this. So do I just say that? “I appreciate your concern but I am going to figure this out”.? (sounds good)
But how do I deal with the rest of it in terms of the model?

UM
C: I have a brother
T: He makes me nervous, I feel I can’t do anything right
F: worthless (“I always get it wrong”)
A: I edit myself around him ?
R: ?

IM
C: I have a brother
T: He loves me, I love him
F: feel quite neutral (in a good way)
A: I tell him things in my life
R: I treat him like a normal human being ? (when clearly he’s a monster (joke))

I feel better writing this out. But I’d love your insight. Thanks so much.