So I have a family member that I don’t want to have a relationship with outside of the family.

I ask myself what I can love about her so I can generate love, and I find it. But the thing I am hung up on, am I really loving her if I do not want a “deeper” “real” relationship with her. I just want to show up at family functions as myself, engage with her there as part of the family, and not really connect outside of family functions. I think this is ok, until she is triggered by me and we have conversations and she says words.
C:  She said “You do not trust me” “You tolerate me”
T: Correct, I do not trust you. And correct I do tolerate you.
F: acceptance
A: I choose to think other loving thoughts about you so I can talk with you and be cordial at family functions “You are family, we are both moms, we both want peace on this side of the family. Choose to not get together outside of family functions.
R: I do not trust you to have a deep relationship, and I have made peace with this.