I need help on jealousy.

We are getting ready to go on a family vacation to visit my brother and sister-in-law and their newborn baby. This is my husband’s brother and his wife. I have struggled with jealousy which is one of the reasons why I joined scholars in the first place. I’m afraid I’m going to say something inappropriate or pick a fight with my husband if I think he’s paying too much attention to her. It sounds so silly as I write this down!

Two years ago when they got married, my husband made a point to clap when she walked by (we were at their house casually before and after the actual wedding) and cheer her name which I thought was interesting. Logically, I know that he was probably mad at me and trying to push my buttons and I know he doesn’t want to be with her.

I have ruined many nights with this jealousy at waitresses and strangers thinking he wants to be with them. We are high school sweethearts and have been together for 30 years. I never want to ruin anymore nights and have worked on myself for the past 2.5 years in SCS.

I want to be the person who has such gratitude and love that wants my husband to have normal and loving relationships with female friends. But I tend to look for reasons to be jealous and it comes out in angry ways. I wish I had such confidence that if he was actually flirting with someone or someone with him, I could be proud to be with someone who is flirt-worthy and understanding that everyone needs attention.

Thanks for your help!