I recognize the pattern…but ugggg

I have read enough to recognize the pattern of my relationship with men. I ended one relationship but started a new one that is now failing. For the same reasons or so it feels like. I want to run from them all but I also want them to make me feel better so I keep staying in things that are not right. But are they right? I don’t even know anymore if its right because of my thoughts or if the person is really treating me bad. I dont even know what I stand for anymore to stand up for myself and stay in a relationship where I should be treated properly. A mess, it feels like a mess. I want to run. Because I am so scared. I find everything threatening to my relationship and can’t handle the pain or the possibility of them leaving me for something better. So I can’t figure out if I am “Needy” or if I am self sabotaging. But I know it’s not working and every thought I have about it derails all of my actions. I just try and go numb to protect myself from being hurt.