I said things I wish I wouldn’t of


I feel terrible about some things I said to my brother a few years ago. I’m sure it made him feel worthless. He is not living his best life right now. I’ve tried my best to help him while he stayed at my house but he’s not still living his life in the best way he could. Now i know that’s my opinion and his own journey but I can’t help but feel sick inside that I freaked out about the way he was behaving and doing while he was at my house and I said some hurtful things.

This week I told my daughter she could leave the house if she wanted to while she is screaming at me in the mist of this situation that blew up into a fight over a situation.

I didn’t mean It but in the moment I was angry at how she was behaving and the things she was saying and about how she had said multiple times she wish she wasn’t living in the house etc. (she shares a room with her sister) and their is no privacy and how she has no space etc etc. The fight wasn’t about that it was totally not related but she didn’t think i was right in handling a situation related to corona.

I’m trying to process my feeling terrible. I just feel more terrible . I realize I’m trying to feel better about it. I’m not really in touch with my brother because he has no phone and currently living with his boss who is trying to kick him out because he doesn’t want him living there anymore because he doesn’t work and multiple other things. I can text his “boss” which is technically not his boss since he doesn’t even show up at work or even work and tell him to call me to talk to him and apologize but for the last year he really doesn’t communicate regularly with us. I saw him when my aunt died 2 months ago and he told me he loved me and telling me how everyone thinks he’s doing bad things etc etc but that’s not true. We couldn’t have any funeral because of corona.
So this was at my aunts house when he showed up after i texted his boss that my aunt died.

In any case the guilt i feel is terrible – i should feel terrible . If something happened to my brother I’ll literally feel sick to my stomach for the rest of my life. Both my parents are passed away. I have no other siblings. I don’t think i could never not feel sick about this. How do i reconcile this ???