I should have learnt more

Hi coaches, so this is a model I run very often in my brain

C: My life with all the good and bad so far
T: I should have learnt more from my experiences and my mistakes
F: Unworthy
A: DO:
– seek immediate gratifications
– give myself ultimatums: this is it, if I ever found myself doing this again it means I am failure
– beat me up
– plan
– constrain
– use curiosity
– trust my path
R: I don’t get the chance to learn more

On paper, my mind is clear about the negative effects of it, yet it is such a practiced habit that when I do not put energy and intention, my mind goes back there daily. Sometimes coaches help me see that I am getting unwanted results and then ask me “so what is the point in going on thinking this way”. And I really feel like I am already there, I have been already there for quite a long time, but apparently showing my brain this evidence is not something vigorous enough to propel me to abandon old habits and grow. So I think I need either to 1) use my curiosity in a much more precise way, so with more specific questions to get a better understanding of what is stepping in the way of my learning process, either 2) when I find myself in the shame and beat me up, to replace these with something that is not love, but some other emotion that feels more appropriate and generative, or 3) expand the range of intentional thoughts I could play with. Suggestions? Thanks a lot!