I think I’m changing but I’m not seeing any changes to the circumstance


During one of my private coaching sessions, one of the coaches told me that in order to change the outcome, only one person has to change. I’ve been working on me but I haven’t seen the change I want to see which is that I want my husband to be kinder to our kids.
C: During dinner tonight, my husband thrust the dinner plate at each of our daughters.
T: He is rude and so dismissive with them
F: Upset
A: I waited to see how he was going to hand me my dinner plate.
R: Just sat there at the dinner table thinking of how I could talk to him about this later when the kids are in bed.

I’ve had other situations where I’ve actually told him in the moment that the way he just talked to one of kids was unkind. He hears me and he isn’t very reactive in the moment but then he will come back to me later and will make a snide comment.

Maybe I’ve completely missed the point and could use some insight.
Thank you