I think I’m scared

I’m starting certification this week. I’ve only been in scholars since February. I love Scholars and April is my last month here until after certification.

I’ve had all kinds of emotions come up lately – scared is one of them. I think that is what I’m feeling. I figured I’d post this while I can here in scholars. This may look like my morning thought download . When I was reading through the certification book and it mentions in order to stay active I had to make $10,000 being a life coach a year, amongst other things — my heart dropped. Suddenly, this was about to get real and I am going to be expected to make a go of this “life coach” thing – which of course is my goal to be a wildly successful life coach and help change other peoples lives. Not to mention I didn’t invest in all this money to let it go down the drain. Yet, I have this feeling of being scared because I’m afraid I’m not going to truly pursue it in the long run and I would have wasted my money. Incompetent comes to mind. When I signed up, my goal was try to make $18,000 even before the 6 months. I know it’s possible others have done it, but what about me? Is that possible for me. I have done nothing yet to try to make that happen! I’m procrastinating, I’m actually feeling sorry for myself for what I don’t know but yet I know that self-pity is coming up because I know I’m bringing up every excuse and story I have. How do I override it?

The weird thing is my goal is to make 50x that amount (that was my “believe new things” March goal). I suppose I don’t believe any of it yet – I am also scared I will never believe it because I’ve been saying it forever. And thoughts like I will probably be dreaming of this until the day I die if I’m being real and I’m going to die with regrets exactly what I don’t want. Like why wouldn’t I or do I just take action. Fear! But why? I feel I’ve been on this self-help journey for the last 20 years will I ever become who I desire or dream to be. I think that is what is running in my subconscious mind. It’s not just about who I will become. I want stuff. I want my house upgraded, I’ve literally been living in a house I hate because I don’t have the money to change things. Or, I’ve wasted money on trainings that I didn’t pursue. It is okay to want things that might be real nice and not feel guilty or greedy about it.

I feel like I have so much work to work through how the heck am I going to put myself out there as a life coach. I’ve had evidence of doing this same thing as a holistic health coach. I went through schooling just to be “certified” as most of my real studying was 10 years before that as well as my own health struggles. I’m not going to suddenly become confident. Like the school isn’t going to do that. I have to do it. The thing is if I do the work, learn, apply it and do everything (I do love learning!!) I think this training will far outweigh any training I had before. Then the thoughts comes to my mind of all the past things I have not finished or pursued or not even pursuing right now. What exactly am I afraid of? What people think? I don’t feel authentic and I feel fake or messy or uncomfortable because I never know what to say when I do a FB live, like I’m trying to be someone else. My thoughts do not come to my mouth easily at all! I’ve always been this way. I know I have a choice to think anything I want. But these thoughts are running rampant and I can’t seem to get off not thinking these. I honestly wish they had a pill to shut that part of my brain off. I’m not scared to actually coach someone. I’ve had 2 clients already one was for health the other I did was free and was more for life but that was a while ago. It’s the before you get a client. The putting yourself out there. This scares me!

Will I be able to do this work and know what I’m doing. I’m a holistic health coach. I know how to do that. I’m not doing that. I don’t know why. Now I’m starting and incorporating life coaching. I know I probably did a complete thought download – sorry. I’ve already wasted so much time on this but I’m sending it though. Thank you!