I thought this work changed you!


I had a huge shame attack last week and in the midst of that I talked to my husband who was surprised that this was happening. He told me I shouldn’t feel that way. I should just be happy. I’ve been given so much (in general – not by him). Forward focused! Then days later we talked again about it and he told me that, “I thought this worked changed you but here you are right where you were before you had any of this.” I was hurt – not by his words or by him but that now my thoughts are that he doesn’t see how far I’ve come. My life has changed, our relationship changed in amazing ways and because I’m having ONE down moment it throws all that away? I realize I’m needing him to be different and I can’t do that but it feels so lonely now. We haven’t talked in days because I don’t know what to say and frankly don’t want to pretend that any of this didn’t or doesn’t matter. I’m sad to learn this is what he thinks of me. Now what? How do I believe, “he thinks I haven’t changed and that’s okay?” – I am proud that I’ve made huge leaps and bounds and became a better person – I also believe I’m allowed to have a bad spell every now and then. That those dark moments don’t mean anything drastic about my character or who I truly am. What are some bridge thoughts I can think of while I’m processing this?

C: Husband said, I thought this work changed you
T: It has! I’m allowed to have a bad moment
F: hurt, offended
A: Silent
R: Maybe it hasn’t – I’m reverting back to old ways

IM
C: Husband said words
T: He can believe that about me and it’s okay. I know that I’ve changed
F: sad but compassionate
A: process – grieve
R: I’m changing

C: Husband said words
T: I can’t ever have low moments. I need to pretend in those moments.
F: hurt
A: complain to myself – it’s not fair
R: Having low moments inside

C: husband said words
T: I don’t need to show him every part of me. He’s not my coach, therapist, or other. I can process these low moments on my own. He’s only there for me to love. But I wish he was there for all of me. If he were THEN I’d know it’s okay to have low moments.
F: sad
A: Think about it. Argue in my mind.
R: I’m not okay

C: husband said words
T: He can think that and I don’t have to believe it’s true.
F: neutral
A: loving myself
R: I don’t believe it’s true.

Thoughts?