I want my husband to parent more proactively.

First let me say that you’ve change my life for the better beyond words. I joined self coaching scholars because I’ve been listening to the podcasts for a year and you’ve helped me so immensely that I just wanted to give you some frickin $$$ because it felt like the right thing to do.

SO: My husband is a wonderful human but often of checked out on many levels because of circumstances I won’t enumerate here. If he has an opinion about parenting he expresses it to me and expects my to follow through with our 14 year old twins. I am starting to reclaim some of my time recently so went out of town overnight. My daughter took the opportunity to sneak out and engage in some VERY risky behavior. She told a friend, “I knew I could sneak out because Papa is checked out.” I know what she did because she confides in others that report back to me. She hasn’t told me yet but I know she will. In the meantime I’m angry at my husband.

C Our daughter sneaks out of the house RISKY BUSINESS
T He doesn’t do enough parenting, engaging, follow through, supervision
F Resentful
A I take more parenting on so I don’t have to rely on him
R If I don’t do it it doesn’t get done.

This same scenario plays itself out in household duties as well. I want a clean kitchen to work in so I clean up after him (and the kids). I say can you please clean and he says “Yes, I’ll get to it.” but two days later I can’t stand it so just start cleaning again. I’m saying to myself you are the one who wants the clean kitchen so just clean it and drop the resentment but… I don’t mind cleaning after the kids so much but after this adult human? C’mon! Obviously the stakes are a lot lower in this situation (clean kitchen not pregnant and high daughter) but maybe my enabling behavior is the same.

I keep going around in circles between ‘I’m in enabler’ and ‘If I don’t do it it won’t get done’. Please help me work the model on this one.

Much gratitude.