I want to consciously create my life

C: Life
T: I want to consciously create my life
F: Desire
A: I fantasize abut what it might mean in terms of outcome but I fail to look at the actions/obstacle thoughts that come up, similarly to fantasizing about a thin body but not looking at what has to be done in order to achieve it. I buffer this unrequited desire with the internet, reading, and procrastination. I think about people who I believe are conscious creators, and create more desire to be like them. I buffer in confusion, thinking I don’t know how to do that.
R: I continue to live unconsciously

Well, that is illuminating.

If I put “R: I consciously create the life I want”

The Actions I get are:

Restrict social media / doom scroll time, have a morning routine that lasts a set amount of time, plan focus time and stick to it, even when obstacle thoughts and urges arise. I’d plan my meditation and thought work time. I’d stick to planned periods of rest, even when it gets uncomfortable. I would not expect myself to do too much, or plan days that I will full-on just hate. I’d allow the discomfort that comes from routine (I have lots of thoughts about routine). I would start SMALL and stop expecting myself to perform to such high standards. I’d deal with the graspy feeling that comes from not buffering with work or content consumption. I would do models on all of the obstacle thoughts, and practice them. I’d give myself some grace as I figure out how to do this, and not beat myself up when things don’t go as planned.

The obstacle thoughts I’m currently aware of are…I think what might be happening in some of these instances is that these thoughts cause feelings that I resist, and buffer over with content consumption/reading/self-improvement. So, I would have to be willing to feel all these feelings and stick to the plan anyway, which yes, does currently sound overwhelming.

I don’t want to do that
Routine is boring
Time is going to go by too fast
I can’t relax
Things aren’t going as planned
I have to fix my life / figure it out
I’m doing everything wrong
This is dumb
I don’t feel like doing this
I don’t like free time
I’ll do it later

First of all, to stop buffering in “I don’t know where to start,” I’m going to practice “I know exactly what to do next.” And, my plan is this:

I’m going to do the exact same thing I did for weight loss. I’m going to come up with a plan that’s not too rigid, and that represents how I WANT to live my actual life forever. How I’m living my life once I’ve already achieved the goal. Then, like protocol, I will create that plan. When urges come up to not stick with the plan, I’ll model them out, and I’ll ladder those beliefs up until I have new ones that are working for me. My experience is that it’s the OBSTACLE thoughts that get in the way of success. In the moment, I have to be able to find thoughts that allow me to stay present with discomfort instead of escaping it. So, I’ll do that. And, I’ll plan “joy times” where I allow myself to – consciously – do whatever I want. Although that will be hard, bc I know sometimes even with my joy eats I still buffer with them. I really am just looking for some relief, even though I’m 3.2lbs away from my ultimate weight loss goal.

I don’t think I am going to go ‘all in’ on this goal until I have hit my weight loss goal, because of constraint. But I can certainly start to take small steps toward it.

Just sharing my plan, and am open to next steps and material you think might help along the way!