I want to have feelings about husband to want to have sex (sort of!)

I am not even sure if I want to have feelings that would make me want to have sex. I’m actually really interested in a separate life. I want to choose love while I’m in it. However, (after lots of effective manual work), I’m feeling like I’m topped out at just a lovely acceptance of him as a person, but it’s not enough emotion that I like to touch his penis!

I still respond meanly when I’m not being aware of myself, if I’m feeling stressed at the same time. In summary, I wish I was choosing love to treat him with kindness. And I wish I wanted to have sex. Six years, sex 10 times only, and I’m quite not interested in intimacy anymore. He used to never touch me and I was sad. Now he wants to, and now I am no longer interested. ughhhhhh!