I want to support, love, and accept boyfriend in a decision


I want to strip down my C’s and start from neutral,

a) decide what I want
b) figure out what I’d have to think to get there
c) then bridge the gap from where I am to get to where I want to be.

Normally of course we’d do an UM and an IM in that order, but I’m all over the place with my point A, I need direction first in order to direct where to do the thought work. I am purposely putting people’s desires in the C line, bust me on that if you want but it feels relevant to be in the C line. 😂

C’s:
• boyfriend bought a cabin + 12 acre property in 2018 (6 mos before we met + started dating) from his friends who wanted to get rid of it, the friends had bought it for 100k, so that’s what they decided to sell it to my boyfriend for, so he paid 100k for it, he currently owes 25k, he could probably sell it today and get the money out he put in, maybe slightly more (no official data yet from a real estate professional)
• we have been dating for 3 years, living together for 2.5 years in this farmhouse his grandparents built in the 1950’s, the farm is in our back yard, so there’s vehicles, tractors, farm equipment, people, coming and going regularly, people can come and go with no notice to us (like his brothers he works with, and all of our combined families),
• we both desire marriage and kids
• his sister lived in an apartment (in st louis 2 hours away) a couple years ago, then moved out of that apartment and moved to germany for a temporary nannying position, then moved back here (geographically 1 minute’s drive radius of our house), she lives for free half of the time with her parents and the other half in the basement of their brother who just built a house last year, she doesn’t want to live alone/by herself completely unless the house is super close to people (I would guess she wouldn’t live in a house more than 10 minutes away from her parents/the farm). She is 45, and has no intentions of marrying or having children
• bf and I both want to be homeowners (whether buying one or building one), he has a specific desire to build his own house, I’m willing to build a house, even though I don’t specifically have that desire on my own, so there’s still a want match here because I don’t NOT want to build a house from scratch