I want to WANT TO stop binging and purging.

I have learned so much from SCS. How i deal with life and food issues has improved so much. I want to achieve big business goals so I set goals, get excited and make them happen. I want to run an Ultra Marathon so I am training for one that will be 11.24. There is discomfort and obstacles, highs and lows in both these endeavors. But WANTING them fuels excitement which results in forward motion.

I also would like to stop binging and purging. But thought downloads show me I dont really want it. I want to be rid of the expense, the time away from hubby, the hassle of shopping and cleaning up, the effort of having to throw up. That said, I still want to B/P. I love buffering with food whenever I can. How can I want to WANT to stop this?