I was only unemployed for five months…

I’ve been unemployed since December and just accepted a job offer for a position that is $1,2000 more a year than my last permanent position. I was paid $43,000 at my position that ended in 2018. I was paid $53,000 in my position that ended in 2019. I was paid $35 an hour ($22,500 for four months) at my last contract position.

I was called by a recruiter, had a zoom interview, and a phone interview. I start on May 10th and will be paid $32/hour $65,000 a year. I will be a contractor for 6-12 months and will have the opportunity to be hired permanently. This is the highest I have been paid for a full time position.

I would like coaching on how to feel like I can provide value that matches my salary, show up in a good way for work, and stop being so hard on myself. (I attach a lot of my value to my job and helping others, and last week’s coaching session centered around me not feeling worthy/feeling self love and being critical of myself.)

The coach also offered that I might be experiencing trauma from being fired from jobs in the past. I’m inclined to disbelieve this. I am afraid to be fired again. (I was fired five times since 1998, but one time I was happy about it, and I have also had at least as many jobs where I quit). Also, my ex boyfriend broke up with me, he said in large part, because I was unemployed for three months in 2016. And I definitely have feelings about that still.

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings, but I think my trauma comes more from deaths in my family and my daughters depression and son’s chronic illness.

Anyway, here are a couple of models and I appreciate your feedback.

C: Unemployed for five months
T: I’m not worthy
F: Shame
A: Worry about performing at my new job, think about things I did ‘wrong’ in my old jobs, don’t get ready for my new job, think about what is wrong with me
R: I create the experience of not being good enough

C: Unemployed for five months
T: I was only unemployed for five months
F: Incredulous, joyful
A: Think about how silly it was to get so down on myself, notice how much importance I attach to having a ‘good’ job, remember that I am valuable regardless of my employment status, calm down
R: I put unemployment into a healthier perspective.

C: Unemployed for five months
T: I can love myself when I am employed and unemployed
F: Relief (a little anxiety)
A: Do models, rest, plan for starting work, think more positively about myself, remove so much pressure I have been applying to myself, think about the things I love about myself, take care of myself though exercise, food, sleep, and spending time with loved ones
R: I create more love in my life

I was so discouraged I wasn’t getting results in my job search sooner, even though I wasn’t looking very hard, and now that I have an outcome that I want, I feel relief, but also worry and excitement.