I yelled at my landlord


I have anger issues from a head injury that are mostly contained, but occasionally aren’t. I got angry at a notice my landlord sent out on New Year’s Eve. I didn’t think it was fair or reasonable and I let myself get very angry. I stormed to the office and she’d left. She lives behind the office and I let loose a string of loud obscenities. This has mostly been glossed over except in my home where my husband keeps bringing it up and I feel a lot of shame over it. I can’t go back and unyell, I don’t have a time machine. It’s almost 6 weeks later and I keep reexperiencing it like it was yesterday and playing it over and over especially when he brings it up. I really want to just leave the family sometimes, especially now. These outbursts only hurt everyone around me and I try so hard to manage and feel and meditate and work with my issues and then an incident happens. I’m trying to hang in there. I’m finally scheduled for an MRI which I’ve been waiting for forever. But people who don’t know what happened think I’m kind of a psychopath and I’m starting to believe them and I haven’t gone into the office to talk to or apologize to the landlord or sent a letter or anything, I’ve been avoiding the situation. I just wish it hadn’t happened and I wish my husband would stop talking about it. Embarrassing the family or making life harder for us isn’t what I want to do.