Hi, I am a double diamond.
The work I have been doing here in scholars has helped me to move towards a dis-identification from what I think and what I feel.
Still, I see my brain thinks actions mean something about me, are what I am.
I am ok, at least intellectually, with believing that we are not guilty of the unintentional thoughts and feelings that we have.
However what the model reminds us is that we have agency in our actions, whether we react, give in, or resist our impulses.
So, to me harming a person, like hitting him/her physically is unethical. If I did, I would believe I am responsible for that at all levels, I would believe “I am a person who abused physically of another human being.”
The fact that I don’t do it is that I will never be that person.
The analogy with overeating or beating myself up is very straightforward: I am holding into this identity “I am someone who caused harm to a human being: myself.”
I can find an understanding of the unintentional model, find compassion up to the F line, but then I believe that again like someone who abused or killed, I will always have this in my “criminal record.”
And I am keeping these severe judgments over myself because “it would be not fair otherwise.”
Could you please offer me your advice on this?