I’m a good gift giver perfectionism


I need help with the R line of my model.

C: Giving gifts to everyone on my list for this Christmas
T: I’m a good gift giver
F: Pressure
A: overthink what to get the person
• have a running list of ideas of gifts or links throughout the year
• strive to have everything decided on, ordered, arrived at a vague, not completely determined “way ahead of time” deadline
• run gift decisions for other people through my own purchase decision filters of “would I like receiving this as a gift?” and other values/preferences like minimalism/essentialism, simple clean non cluttery aesthetic, functional/versatile, cleanliness and longevity of the item (separate model but relevant here: I’m super picky)
• worry/stress ahead of time, mentally going to the party opening the gift and them possibly not liking it and me feeling guilt, shame, embarrassed, inadequate, etc., mentally replaying this regularly over and over
• nickel and dime the budget, like if I found a gift that could work but it’s 5 or 10 dollars over what I’ve allotted for that specific person, I scrap it, or I resent/begrudge raising the budget I had predetermined for that person
• mentally imagine everyone going home after the event thinking “wow, (insert my name) is such a good gift giver” and in general, them being impressed with me, admiring me and my creative, genius gift giving superpowers
• look at the list I’ve gathered all year, say oh these ideas aren’t good enough, then I go research new fresh ideas, get ideas and inspiration from Pinterest
• tell myself Christmas gift giving is hard, complicated, and requires lots of little task management and constant vigilant project management, because each gift I get is legit its own project of researching, deciding, running through the budget, price checking if applicable, actually sitting down and placing the actual order for the item, getting special gift wrap for items like for instance a special large gift wrap bag for a lawn chair I got my dad, etc.
• not accept b- work, strive for perfectionism, get all involved in other people’s models – more specifically their T’s about me, re: I’m a good gift giver, and their A: of using the item I got them or displaying it, in general hoping they like it
• try to ninja my way out of paying for shipping, and also looking for coupon codes, resist paying shipping especially if the item I’m ordering is about the same price as the shipping itself, or like let’s say a 1:2 ratio of shipping price to item price, that still annoys me
• return items if they’re imperfect, like for instance, this special magnetic microwave cover from amazon came in without a label/packaging with it, just the plain item, I felt weird giving that as a gift because it looks like I opened it all out of the packaging and gave that as the gift, like no, I returned it and bought it from Walmart, one that for sure had the packaging on it, turns out the one from walmart was half the price of the amazon one anyway so that worked out
• (this one might be a different model) mentally consider return policies of the place I buy from, because I live out in the middle of nowhere and can’t often make it to certain stores, like I still have PTSD from a pair of special touchscreen gloves I purchased from a bass pro shops last year while on vacation, then they stopped being able to touch screens, the return window luckily was still opened, but I legit have none of those stores around me, the closest one is like two and a half hours away to a place I maybe visit 2 or 3 times a year? so frustrating. and I’m for damn sure not paying return shipping back, so like, my point here is like even if I find a great gift in a store like bass pro shops on my vacation I’m going on in a couple weeks, I’ll likely pass it up because the thought of potentially having to return it basically makes my whole body go into flight/overload mode and I run the F away
R: I’m a bad gift giver.

…because I do it at my own expense/it has a net negative consequence of ok yes the gift may be amazing but at what cost? My sanity? It takes way too much time and I make myself crazy.  So even though I *like* the thought that I’m a good gift giver, it’s a stretch to think of times where this thought TRULY served me.