"I’m disorganized"

I have been thinking the thought “I’m not organized” for most of my life. It’s something my parents told me was true about me and I believed them. But my disorganization is starting to drive me crazy – I waste a lot of time looking for things, I feel chaotic when I look around me, and I feel overwhelmed even thinking about working on any projects. I feel like I don’t have good organizational habits like putting things away, maintaining the things I have, or getting rid of things I don’t use. I know most of these are thoughts…and it still feels really challenging. I think on a deeper level my messiness was a rebellion against my parents whom I fought with often and would use cleaning my room as a punishment. They would also use my messy room as a reason to punish me. I think I might be continuing this pattern as an adult by punishing myself. Somewhere inside I believe that cleaning my room/being organized is not fun and is painful, that I don’t have a natural aptitude for it so its really hard.

C – My personal belongings
T – I’m so disorganized
F – overwhelmed
A – don’t invest time in organizing my belongings, don’t maintain my stuff, leave clothing/bottles/craft supplies/books all over the place
R – I live in chaos

C – My personal belongings
T – It’s possible that I enjoy being organized
F – curious
A – try organizing with an open mind, look for enjoyment in organization
R – I find way to enjoy organization

Would appreciate any feedback! Thank you!