IM leading to Immoral behavior?


About 3 months ago, I was in a place of overwhelm and sadness. I was having thoughts about wanting to leave my husband, not being attracted to him, and wanting to be alone. Through the help of scholars, I was able to get to a much better place where I focus on the 50% of the relationship that is good. He is kind, supportive, athletic, and smart. I had to think a lot about what I truly want in a marriage and reasons to stay married, especially since we have no kids. I decided to think that spending the rest of my life with someone who is kind and supportive is a beautiful thing even if some of the other things are still less than ideal (physically and sexually). This is a huge improvement as I don’t feel overwhelmed, I’m not crying, I’m not thinking about divorce, etc. I feel fortunate to be with a man who is so loving and kind. The thing I am finding curious is that there is an opportunity for me to connect with someone sexually in the near future. I’m looking forward to this. I think I’ll enjoy this and I’m thinking all of this while still wanting to stay married to my husband. Surprisingly, I feel okay about my possible future action. I think I’ve adjusted my models and thoughts about my marriage and what I want in life so much so that now I’m doing things that wouldn’t really be considered moral or in line with my marriage vows. Rather than choose thoughts that align with fidelity, I’m choosing thoughts that allow me to feel okay about something most people (including me in the past) would consider immoral. I’m quite shocked by my behavior and thoughts when I think about it. I’d appreciate any thoughts on this. Emotionally, I feel so much better in my marriage but am surprised and what I’m thinking about doing.