I’m not getting over it


I have done a ton of work on this but keep coming back to the same or similar thoughts and feelings.
I had a 2 year affair with someone. He separated from his wife to be with me. Then he changed his mind due to family pressure etc.
We love each other deeply and are very compatible. (I see that those are thoughts but they feel true.)
We work together and still have sex around once a week.
I just found out she got breast implants and I feel really jealous because of the thought that she will look better than I do. She has changed her hair and body to look more like mine, so I also sometimes think that she’s pathetic and then I feel righteous. But then a model spins off of that with the T – I am better than her so we should be together, causing the F – enraged.

Other default thoughts/feelings I keep going back to are:
T – He and I should be together
F – devastated

T – I will never find anyone else that I feel this way about
F – desperate

T – if he is more attracted to her then I’m not good enough
F – insecure

T – her breast implants look better than mine
F – self-conscious

The T/F I want to have are:

T – he is not actually someone I want to spend my life with
F – peaceful

T- it doesn’t matter how good she looks because I am beautiful and have a lot going for me beyond that
F – confident

T – this relationship served its purpose and now it has run its course
F – settled

T – better things await me
F – excited

T – they aren’t actually happy together and will suffer in a perpetual negative cycle like I did when I was married, and I’m glad to be out of that kind of life
F – relief

I believe some of these but I guess not completely because I keep
going back to the old thoughts.