This is my longest and healthiest relationship. I’m happy. Our life is good. We don’t fight (it took a lot of learning about each other and trust-building). I have a 7-year-old daughter who loves him and he loves her. However, I don’t feel passion, longing or desire for him. I’ve tried. This seems like the one sensation I cannot intentionally conjure with him (but I’ll unintentionally develope a crush on other guys – insert shame). Maybe because I believe true passion is effortless and unintentional – or maybe because I want it to be? I don’t expect it to be all of the time, but even just occasionally would be nice.
Because I’m constantly doing and teaching this work, and I do want/wish for our relationship to work (I do love him, and it would be so much easier than disrupting everyone’s lives) I keep trying to make it work. I have done so much thought work and spent so many hours thinking about this specific topic. I have been choosing him for 2 years. He and I have had soooo many talks – SO many talks about what we both want, and we’ve made comprise but nothing changes. The longer we are together the more I think it’s not actually what I want and that I’m people-pleasing and self martyring.
I’m 32. There has never been a passionate butterfly excitement with him, though we have worked through a lot and developed as a very comfortable and stable relationship. I crave passion. Our physical and emotional connection just doesn’t “click” as other relationships have had in the past, and I do believe that a passionate and healthy is out there for both of us… He deserves to be with someone who is in love with him too.
On top of that, I want more babies… I would love to get married and be pregnant again one day, but he doesn’t feel comfortable or that he’ll ever want them. I don’t know that I’ll not regret ever having more. I want puppies and a husband… After 2 years he still isn’t sure he wants to get married (I think he says he’ll marry me to keep us)… He doesn’t think he’ll ever want more kids and puppies are a hard no (for now he says.) We can go weeks as just roommates with no sex and barely speaking. He’s not as family-oriented. I honestly don’t remember our last date, and even if we did get married, money would never merge and we would still have ‘his’ and ‘her’ stuff… all the way down to groceries (when I eat something of his I’m expected to replace it) … That isn’t how I imagined a family and that isn’t what I want.
I guess it simmers down to I’m so happy (50% of the time lol)within the rest of my life. He and I do get along and have fun, and I do love him. I’m facing fears, growing a business, taking care of my body and hitting new hard goals. I’m managing to work a full-time job and we are deep in stress(aka . tax ) season, being a mommy and fitting in friends and family time… but I feel (think) this is one area where I’m settling for fear of heartbreak and change. I’m willing to be uncomfortable, but maybe I’m not willing to settle and feel complacent?