I clearly have a thick manual for my boss, and I imagine she has one for me, since she hired me to do a specific body of work. I’m reviewing materials on boundaries, and I don’t actually think she violates any of mine — don’t call/text me after hours unless it’s really an emergency. So, the rest of it is really just her not living up to my expectations for how a good boss should behave. I’m very wedded to my manual for her! Here’s a model that I worked out through a 20-minute session:

C: I have a boss
T: She is not a good manager
F: Annoyed
A: Do the bare minimum; don’t pursue other projects that I know need to be done; complain to co-workers who agree with me; avoid interactions withmy boss
R: I am not showing up as the good employee that I see myself as; I am unable to see any evidence that she is a good manager

In my 20 minute sesson, my coach and I worked on finding an alternate T line — finding bridges or ladders to a thought that would help me be the employee that I want to be. I got to the conclusion that I *really* didn’t want to let go of the thought that she’s a bad manager! So much evidence I can find to “prove” it! So, here’s a model working backwards from the R that I’m trying on.

C: I have a boss
T: I can do great work even if I’d prefer my boss to have a different management style
F: Ingenious
A: I accomplish the work assigned by my boss AND I make progress on other projects I know need to be done
R: I get shit done easier and faster

This model feels more believable, but it’s still got a lot of “my boss is terrible but because I’m smart and clever I can do everything.” I can easily slip to a negative feeling of resentment if I see that I’m doing the boss’s stuff (with the implication that it is not that important) AND the stuff I’ve deemed important.

Suggestions for honing either model? I want to feel smart and productive. I want my R to be that I am a valuable contributor and complete important projects.