Doing these thought downloads and models every morning has been illuminating and I admit, much more challenging than just doing them in my “head” like I used to. It’s really great to get them on paper.
I’m struggling with one thought that keeps appearing on my downloads, and when I try running models on them, I can’t seem to land on a better feeling thought that feels believable to me. I’m stuck in what you call “the river of misery” where I am between the unintentional thought pattern and my ideal thought pattern.
These are my models…
C: My stepfather
T: My stepfather is such an asshole
F: Angry, irritated, frustrated
A: Ignore him, don’t make eye contact, be short with him
R: Continue thinking he’s an asshole
C: My stepfather
T: My stepfather is doing the best he can
A: Be more patient with him, listen when he talks, show unconditional love
R: Continue believing he is doing the best he can
Now, when I try to do the second model, it feel nice for a moment and then more thoughts come in providing me with “evidence” that he is not a good person, that he shouldn’t behave the way he does, etc etc. So clearly this is a thought I need to work my way up to. But every other thought I try on doesn’t feel believable and feels like something I “should” think rather than what I actually think. Ultimately, I want to believe my stepfather is doing the best he can, and accept that he can do whatever he wants to do and to let go. But I’m not there yet.
Forgiveness and acceptance with family members is a big challenge for me and one that I know I’ll need support with throughout this program. I want to work on it for my stepfather first and then continue to practice it for other family members. Can you help me with this? I harbour so much anger towards him and I want to let it go. I’d love to volunteer to be coached on this on next week’s call but I wonder if you could help me with an alternate better feeling thought that I could work with in the meantime.
Thank you so much,