i understand the concept of not being able to control others but need more information on how to set caring and loving boundaries. For instance my 20 yo son does all his weekly jobs when they are expected to be done and i never have to ask. Great! My 18 yo daughter sometimes does them when asked, says she will do them later (and mostly doesnt) and says when i ask it makes her feel like not doing them. I feel i am in a negative feedback loop and neither of us is benefiting. We have sat down and agreed these are small jobs that only take 30mins-1 hour a week that help keep the house running at a minimum level and are more than fair given i am a single mum and do most of what is need anyway.
C. Daughter does not do jobs in a timely manner or not at all
T. It is not fair to the other occupants who either have to do them for her or live in the mess
F. Frustration and disrespect
A. So far: 1.Agreeing on jobs and timing. 2. having to requesting compliance. 3, not allowing her to drive my car if jobs not completely done
R. She does them the day she wants the car or me to drive her (tho mostly she uses public transport or her friends drive). If the jobs are done that week, they are mostly done (because i have reminded her) in a rushed manner and with an unpleasant attitude.

Thank you – this is a big one for me!