The scale is up 0.4lbs today and I’m annoyed because I have been following protocol perfectly. I’ve been hungry and allowing it. I’ve been PRETTY DAMN hungry and allowing it. I have thoughts that say I should lose weight if I’m allowing hunger this much. My thoughts make me feel frustrated and like it’s not fair.

C: Scale says 0.4lbs more today than yesterday. I have allowed vibrations of hunger and urges for 26 days. I have been eating exactly what I write down for protocol without exceptions.

T: This isn’t working / F: defeat / A: get sloppy with protocol / R: it doesn’t work
T: This isn’t fair / F: self-pity / A: wonder what I’m doing wrong, slip into restriction diet mentality / R: I create more self-pity and more reasons to believe its unfair
T: This isn’t worth it / F: defiance / A: try another diet with promise of easier success / R: I show I’m not worth it

So, I can see that all roads lead to going off protocol when I think this way. The most dominant thought I think right now is that “this isn’t fair”. But seriously I’ve been doing OMAD once a week, which HAS to have me in a calorie deficit, and I’ve been SO good with my protocol following it to a tee. I routinely am getting to like, -4 on the hunger scale (I do two meals a day mostly). I feel like since I’m doing everything I’m supposed to, that this should be working. I guess that’s another thought.

T: This should be working / F: Anger / A: I guess I just feel angry, and try to restrict further / R: I try harder to get results from a place of anger – which, also won’t work

So, I’m sure that I don’t want these thoughts. But, I can also see that it’s okay that I have them. Perhaps it’s just part of the journey. The predominant feeling I have is frustration.

I guess I can ladder up before trying to just swap thoughts.

– I notice I keep thinking that this should be working
– “This should be working” is a thought my brain is offering me
– “This should be working” is just words in my brain, and my brain likes to practice them
– The fact that my brain suggests these words is not a problem
– I couldnt’ prove that this isn’t working in a court of law
– Other people in the world might say that it is working exactly how it’s supposed to be working
– If things were supposed to be different, they would be
– It’s possible that maybe things are working perfectly
– It’s possible that frustration is just part of the journey, and it’s my opportunity to experience it
– I know that I feel the feelings of frustration in my body – it’s not a problem for me
– Nothing has gone wrong here

I do feel like I’m kind of in a hurry to get to my goal weight because I’ve told myself that once I do, I can move onto other goals. I want to work on changing my past, but I want to get to my goal weight first. I know that it’s not “good” to be rushing – how can I handle this? I really want to work on other goals, too.

Any feedback is so much appreciated!