Impossible goal Day 29

C Scale says 1X7.0
T The model doesn’t work (also, I’m doing everything wrong)
F Panic, dread
A Give up, flounder, try other things, spin around in circles in my head, spend a lot of time in my head figuring it out, not living life
R I don’t live life, make decisions, or do hard things. I don’t stick to the plan with love, and I don’t get the result I want.

I really, really want consistent results to tell me that I’m “doing it right”. Without that evidence result, I feel like “this isn’t working”. I can see how I do this in my entire life because to me, it feels very true.

I also don’t like the feelings of dread or uncertainty that comes with this thought. I want to know FOR SURE that the model is working, no exceptions. I want to believe that, but without evidence, it irks me.

I think I’m having a hard time grasping a new feeling because I don’t like the feeling of uncertainty in my body. But, I know that life is full of uncertainty so I can experience this feeling AND also go about life. I can give it some space. I don’t have to reject these feelings of panic or dread or constriction inside my body.

C Feelings of uncertainty
T I can allow feelings of uncertainty in my body and be okay. I can allow these feelings fully. They can stay as long as they need to. I am good at feeling my feelings.
F Open
A Experience vibrations in my body
R Feel the feelings and learn the lesson

C Feelings of dread and uncertainty
T I want this to go away now, *this shouldn’t be happening*
F Panic, constriction
A No real action besides panicking. Thinking a lot. Staying home, not living life, doing tons of models. Thinking something is wrong and that I have to fix it. Buffering with information.
R I shame the feeling and keep it going

I think possibly that this SHOULD be happening is a better thought.

C Feelings of uncertainty and dread inside body
T This should be happening, nothing has gone wrong
F Release, relaxation, deepening of the feeling
A Relax into the feeling and go about my day. Accept and embrace the feeling and my self.
R Nothing has gone wrong.

Open to feedback.