I was re-listening to Krista’s excellent Relationships call from July 7, 2020.
During the last coaching session on that call, the Scholar, Tina, was talking about feeling bad about herself when she is with a certain friend.
Krista had said to Tina: “Go hang out with her a lot.”😂
Tina: “As much as I hate hanging out with her…She’s a great person…I hate it because it makes me feel bad…”
Krista: “You hate it because of the thoughts that show up in your brain when you’re with her. And that’s where the growth is. Because if you go into it with a lot of curiosity, like ‘I’m gonna hang out with this woman and I’m gonna watch all of the terrible thoughts—and love myself—that my brain offers me as we’re together.’ Write those suckers down. Take notes. Like “You’re not enough”, “You should be doing it differently”, “She does it better than you do”.’ Just detail it all out.
“Then you look at that list and you go ‘Oh well no wonder when I’m with her I feel terrible because these are all the sentences my brain offers me when we’re together.’…Then you can see your own thoughts and how they’re creating your experience around her.
“Then you can do the work on those thoughts. And she doesn’t have to be any different. And then you’ll enjoy spending time with her more and more because the quality of your thoughts about yourself—you will be choosing to improve them on purpose. And you will see that it isn’t her. It’s you. And that’s the best news ever.”😃
So good! Here in Scholars I am also working on improving the quality of the thoughts I have about myself. First, I must recognize that thoughts really are just sentences in my brain. The sentences are from past programming. The thoughts in my brain are actually separate from me. Thoughts aren’t true or untrue.
All of my life I have created thoughts about myself based on my observations of the world and my interpreted place in it. Boy! What a powerless position! Like Tina’s brain, my brain too often wants to conclude “You’re not enough,” “You should be doing it differently,” “She does it better than you do.”
However, I am sooo grateful to be learning something different! I’m now trying to really grasp the concept that ANY thought about myself is optional, available, and totally up to me. I don’t ever have to wait for evidence before believing a new thought. In fact, it’s the believing of the optional new thought that allows me to find evidence to back it up! I simply choose and commit to believing WHATEVER it is I want to believe about myself. Then I get my power back to create my own emotions.
If I don’t believe I am enough, it is a reflection of my choice to not believe I am enough, not in my enoughness.
This is a review of my understanding of the work to grow and to improve the quality of the thoughts about myself. I want to grasp the concept even better. Is there anything you would add? Or emphasize from your experience?
Thank you in advance for your response.😊