In a thought loop with May Relationship homework – need advice to move forward.

My 1st relationship subject of May HW is husband, J. I’m stuck in this one because our relationship is in such a bad place right now (and has been for several years). On day 2 HW when we write what we would be thinking and feeling if they followed our manual and then it says “Notice that you can think and feel these things anyway” That is a big leap for me, and I know that I can write about it, tell myself to think those things anyway, but I don’t believe it. It’s too much of a stretch. We’ve been married 28 years, my thoughts about our marriage are that he has a very strong need to control everything around him, to have everything go HIS way, that he is selfish, he lies, he manipulates, and he attacks.
Question: I need help getting past these points in my homework- Im really struggling to believe good thoughts in this relationship. Im considering moving on to the next relationship in the homework and them come back to this one at the end and try again? I’m stuck on the model as it relates to J as well. If my C line is marriage and my T line is husband lies, manipulates, I cannot trust him. and my F line is Betrayed, Hurt, Angry My A line is all over the place and my R line is stuck in the same place. I can’t even do an intentional model- Im struggling to believe anything good about this relationship. Can you help give me some clarity- I know there is a way to look at this and I am just not allowing myself to get there or something.