In-Laws


I need tips on staying neutral. I wrote in recently under same title with my unintentional models and was wondering if you could help me to create intentional models. Again, I continue to feel stuck in unintentional models like:

C: Brother in law has no money for storage
T: He should get rid of his stuff
F: frustrated
A: worry my husband will pay for a moving company and storage for brother, shut down and not talk to my husband about it anymore
R: Feel distant from my husband

When I try to come up with an intentional model it feels like a big leap. I believe my husband and his mom enable his brother who lives from “victim mode”. He is always broke, depressed, unable to work because he is too tired, doesn’t like the work, etc etc. I have very little compassion for him. He has been divorced twice and my husband and his mom always blame the wife as the villain. I don’t know how to find love and compassion for this man who spends what little money he has on buying more stuff.

Part of me understands I can think about it any way I want and that my current thoughts create suffering for me, not them. Sometimes I can detach and it does work better for my sanity. However, sometimes it frustrates me so much that when I look at my husband I see my brother in law (they look alike!) and I am repulsed to the point of not wanting to be intimate with my husband right now. Is this crazy? I feel it so strongly. I don’t even want a hug from my husband.

My husband agrees that his brother is dysfunctional but he tells me to stop trying to fix him. I say stop enabling him. Where do we find a compromise? Is this a better model?:

C: Brother in law has no money for storage
T: He will continue to believe he can’t part with his things
F: curious
A: ignore the situation
R: stop worrying, enjoy my life today