We are in the process of building a patio in our yard and my husband and I have different approaches. I want to get it all done as quickly as possible, whereas he is comfortable doing it in stages. I.e patio is done, slowly add plants/landscaping, a few weeks later get furniture, a few weeks later get something for shade. I have a hard time tolerating the lack of visual harmony in the back yard. My thought is “I can’t stand this unfinished patio that lacks harmony. I must get it done.” This causes me to feel stressed, and become more aggressive when discussing next steps. I think there is a point we can compromise, but what I want to work on is my own ability to tolerate the discomfort of seeing this unfinished back yard. It’s the same way that I can’t stand a messy room–it drives me crazy. I realize I am really trying to avoid discomfort.
Here is my model:

C: Creating back yard patio
T: I can’t stand this unfinished patio. I have to get it done or it will drive me crazy.
F: Pressured, stressed
A: Feel pressured to make decisions, overthink things, be aggressive with husband
R: Force things, be controlling, don’t enjoy the process

Can you help me think of some new thoughts?