Hello Brooke and coaches,

I noticed that my emotions to go to are the indulgent emotions (feeling used, miserable, depressed, angry, undecisive etc.)- I have noticed this for a while – I just don’t know how to get out of this loop. I realize I need to create new neuron patterns in my brain which takes a lot of practice. I also noticed, I am very good with giving advice to other people, and a lot of them come to me for advice because I am so ”wise”. I can be neutral and objective when it’s about somebody else’s situation, but when it’s about me I get too emotional, and don’t see clearly/ or I see / think what I choose to.

For example, I decided a few weeks ago that I would look at a certain relationship in my life in a positive way, and I would act in a positive way, but now I find that I want to change my decision because of the circumstance – I realize he doesn’t validate me or he doesn’t make me feel good. Nothing has changed – just my thoughts (I feel used now). My question is do I continue to see this person just because I can learn so much about myself (all these negative emotions and trying to deal with them), or do I stay away from him because my thoughts/ feelings are telling me I am being used. I have always thought that if something doesn’t feel right, you don’t continue doing it – why get hurt? But as you mentioned, these people in our lives are the best people to teach us about ourselves. Now, my question is how long would I continue a relationship with a ‘friend’ to learn about myself? Or do I set some boundaries?

I realize I need to find the balance in myself, but I feel defeated. I really do not enjoy experiencing all these negative emotions even though I realize it’s 50/50.
Here is a model I came up with.

C – I spent 5 hours with my friend (2h training + 2 dinner + 1 travelling)

T – Half of it was a waste of time – I could have worked out on my own and not drive all the way where he lives and get other things accomplished as well.

F – used (he was the one that did most of the talking, like he had to vent – i just listened and drove him around)

A – I feel used; I don’t enjoy spending time with him anymore since he doesn’t really care about me.

R – Stop going to see him and feel guilty and upset about the whole thing.

Revised model

C – I spent 5 hours with my friend.

T – It was a great way to spend my day; we had a great dinner and workout.

F – excited

A – I can’t wait to see him again and share our stories.

R – See him again next week.

I should add that the revised model is how I would like to feel, but I don’t feel it’s believable and I am not sure it’s worth it, and I end up being confused, indecisive, used – and I indulge in these emotions. All the emotions I am trying to avoid even though I realize I need to feel them. But how often do I need to feel them?

Thank you so much.