Indulging in guilt! TM

Hi Brook,
When things are going really well in my life (which is now) I always feel worried and have a need to prepare myself for the next dilemma in my life. I understand that feelings come from my thoughts and that life is 50/50. I rehearse new thoughts and it tends to work for me. I guess I’m having trouble understanding why I need to drink even when I think I’m happy? And then feel horribly guilty the next day. Last night I was at home alone. My teenagers were out and my husband was away on business. I didn’t stick to my plan to write for an hour. Read for an hour (Following my North Star) and work on my blog. Instead I buffered with alcohol and facebook. On top of that I didn’t eat. So now today, I’m feeling bloated, in a fog and I’m beating myself up trying to understand my actions last night. Maybe I think things are going well and subconsciously they are not. Maybe I just indulge in self sabotage. You always mention that we buffer to escape and numb our pain but I’m trying to figure out why I felt a need to buffer last night. For me overdrinking has become a nasty habit and lately I’m finding that it has become harder to stop even when I’m happy. Granted I did not write a plan so I gave myself an excuse to drink and start with the plan today. Last night after my third drink, I tried to allow the urge and stop but I had to have another half glass. Then I stopped. I know it’s possible to stop because I did but I’m feeling horribly guilty today and physically gross. Help! 