Inequality In partnership – or just my thoughts?

Three years ago, after riding the ups and downs in my “good enough” relationship I went all in on doing the relationship work Brooke teaches. Don’t leave him until you LOVE him unconditionally.

I feel like I’m hovering at about 95% here. I’ve learned how to take full responsibility for how I feel and I create the emotions I want myself. Appreciation, Love, Connection, Respect.

Most of the time I have complete acceptance for who he is. Sometimes though I am still floored.

Like yesterday when I suggested we start working on building our dream home. This has been our plan for 15 years. We’re not married and our money is separate. We have 3 young children that I stayed home with up until our third was born (3 years ago) and I decided to go all in on me and my work. Really it was a part of me doing the work of creating my reality and no longer needing him to fulfill what I want in my life.

IN response to my invitation to start the building process – He said he doesn’t have the time and doesn’t want to pay for starting this project right now. I do. He said if I want to pay for it – then go ahead. But he won’t.

Here’s the thing. We aren’t married and the land we live on is in his name. I’m not on the deed. We were engaged before we got pregnant with #1 – an agreement I wanted. But the wedding never happened. He’s avoided it. I paid for much of our overhead before kids – and he paid the mortgage. Then I became the SAHM after our baby came – and the next. When I asked to be on the deed and share this responsibility he shuts down and says no.

When he tells me that I can pay for it – but that means I’m putting money into something that isn’t technically mine. It doesn’t feel right.

I LOVE him and he loves me. But there is a big trust block here. I believe I have done the work to build a bridge of love and acceptance – and Brooke says only one person needs to do the work – but this isn’t working for me.

Am I missing something?

Of course thinking of separating with three little kids sounds horrible – but staying in this relationship like this doesn’t feel good either. I’m open to things shifting, but I want help understanding where my “intuition” and my thoughts overlap and collide.

Thank you.