Hey Brooke,

I’m doing the daily work on relationships in my life which I’m learning from. However I guess what I would like to really improve on is my lack of intimate relationships. I’m 35 and can say since high school have never been in a relationship that has lasted longer than a week if that. I cringe writing this but I’m also a virgin and not for any reason except I haven’t been in a relationship.

my model is:
C: 35 and a virgin
T: I’m too immature to be in a relationship
T: People will think somethings wrong with me
T: guys won’t want to date me once they find out
T: I’ll have to justify and explain myself
F: main feeling is shame, embarrassed
A: hide or act guard
R: remain single

I can see pretty clearly my from high school to now how my thinking/actions led me to where I am and I can look at it with compassion most the time. I completely believe I was doing the the best I could during each stage of my life which has lessened the shame around being a virgin.

But I think my one thought I haven’t been able to improve is people will think I’m weird/somethings wrong with me. I truly understand what they think is none of my business but if I’m dating someone and the topic comes up they’re going to ask why. I don’t have a clear reason, I’m not waiting for marriage. I can see how different relationships and events have made me closed off and guarded but do I justify it? I think your answers no. I’m aware I need to work on being more vulnerable. I guess my overall question is how do I work this into the work we’re doing with relationships since up to now I’ve been avoiding them?

Thanks!