Infidelity


I have been married 27 years, found out my husband cheated about 10 years ago but stayed married because of kids and only just filed for divorce. My husband and I are both physicians. I am born and brought out in India then had an arranged marriage to this guy who is a cross between the Taliban and Trump . Very traditional very conservative, man is the head of the household type. I worked part time all 27 years because i took care of the home and sick inlaws etc.

C he cheated on me repeatedly and is not remorseful and in fact blames me
T I am betrayed cheated worthless I deserved this
F hate it , sorry for my self, self victimization , martyr
R I eat and eat and eat to stay fat and ugly and deserving of a husband who is a cheater – I am buffering cannot fathom how to get to neutral in this
A I am obese diabetic depressed

Being a physician I see the futility and the wrong thinking and eating but hard to stop my reptilian brain.

I am trying:

C he had sex outside marriage
T he is human , or I hurt
F I can try and sit with my burning scalding pain
R stop eating and binge eating
A I don’t put on more weight

But in reducing T and F I don’t want to let him off the hook even though I am letting myself off the hook
I want to be free happy and if I don’t even after divorce he will move on and find new love, while I will be one, alone , poorer left with lot of debt and oh so bitter