I have thoughts of disgust regarding my husbands only family members, his mom and older brother. His mom pays his bills, lets him live with her, lets him store his stuff in her house so her garage and basement are packed, makes excuses for his inability to get a job to pay bills, calls him daily or he calls her if one or the other are here visiting, never says one negative thing about him but finds lots wrong with his xwife, kids and myself for not enabling him. My husband says “it won’t change, let it go”. I choose not to and feel terrible shame, guilt, frustration and confusion, When I try to focus on her positives and describe her that way to people who ask me about her (she is 87 and goes to the gym, she takes no medication, she meditates, she volunteers, she is smart) I feel my skin crawl. I feel like a liar even if those are true statements. When I am with her I don’t want her to hug me or me to hug her ugg.. get away you pathetic thing goes through my mind. For both her and her son actually. So I go through the motions, prepare the meal, participate in the small talk, try to be an observer and keep my feelings neutral but I am not succeeding. I limit my interactions. For years I do not go with my husband or kids to visit them (1.5 hr drive… not far) and they give the excuse I am working or busy. But they come here for all holidays as they have no other family. I get so stressed thinking about it because I ruminate on my negative thoughts about them and then gag as I see them interacting together. I love my husband. I don’t want this to come between us any more than it has over the past 28 years of our marriage. He agrees they are dysfunctional yet he only sees a small piece of it and chooses to ignore the rest.